If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
