She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
