I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize