Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
