She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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