closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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