Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
