i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
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Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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