Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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