I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
