you would pick up someone in the library
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
