dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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