toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
