Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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