im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
