I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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