OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
