She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
