Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
