Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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