Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
