When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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