I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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