you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
