You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
