I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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