genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
