I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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