how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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