so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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