They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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