What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
