carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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