you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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