At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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