I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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