I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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