when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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