His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
