if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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