im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
