So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
