508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
