Just cropdusted the office
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
