the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm passing your future prison.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
