So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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