i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
