Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
