She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
