I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
