i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
