this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
