brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
