Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
