the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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