I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
