someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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