What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This baby is an asshole
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
