I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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