FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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