Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
