Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
