Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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