Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
