I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
