You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
