apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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