I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
