I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
